11 Oct. 2007: "The Sensuous Woman"

Margaret Cho and Zoje

While in New York City, Paula, Lisa and I had a chance to go to The Zipper Factory to see Margaret Cho's new burlesque show "The Sensuous Woman". It was FABULOUS! Maybe the best live show I've seen - I have never laughed so hard! The show featured many additional performers - comics and burlesque artists - including Kelly and the infamous "Shoes." Margaret Cho is a brave and talented woman, an entertainer and a global ambassador on sexuality and being yourself.

27 Sept. 2007: Don't Take "No" for an Answer:

One thing worse than jumping through hoops... is having no hoops to jump through at all. At least in the midst of the head first dive there is the chance of landing in a neat somersault and springing to one's feet victorious. And so, the story from my previous post is not yet over.

After receiving my rejection from S. Features I took a day to collect my thoughts, and then I emailed them - thanking them for reading my three scripts, and inquiring if the scripts were lacking something? is my vision not coming across? is the business too saturated with scripts? is the reading of them too subjective?

I wasn't sure if I would receive a reply. A week and a half later I did, and it was very, very helpful. The production company seeking financing is often in the same boat as the struggling writer-director: it is very difficult to get someone "to see in them what we see". She also mentioned "luck and chance" - and too many scripts, all subject to subjectivity. She went on to suggest that my stories may need a bit more plot development, and that her company is looking to make higher profile films than what I originally understood was their mission.

Armed with that knowledge, I finally had a chance to tell her of the true vision I have for the scripts she read, as well as my influences as a filmmaker. I had been proceeding with the idea that a streamlined story that focused on characters would be a good first professional project for me. With my background as a theatrically trained and former professional actor, I feel capable of creating depth in a story by directing skilled actors and bringing out finely nuanced moments. I like somewhat deliberate pacing and naturalism, and love stories that feel real and are powerful in their simplicty. So where she saw a need for more plot development, I envisioned careful pacing and the fleshing out of subtext via subtle acting. I learned we were not on the same page.

This gave me a great opportunity to suggest that one (or more) of my other scripts might be more to their taste and needs. To make a continuing story relatively short, S. Features is now reading two of my other screenplays - a sci-fi action project, and a very personal magical realism adventure story. Both of these scripts require higher budgets than I believed the company worked with. But, as I just found out, they just secured $30 million in financing.

Perhaps I am merely prolonging the inevitable. It is probably hard for some people to imagine that I could spend twenty years flirting with unlikely possibilities and still believe in the possibility. But I know what I have learned and how my vision has become clearer - I understand my skills and my stories - and I believe, in spite of evidence to the contray, that there is a place for them in the world.

6 Sept. 2007: The Anatomy of a Rejection:

As I posted below, prior to the June screening at the Pioneer Theater I attempted to interest some industry people in my microbudget marvel "Happy Walter". I sent out 35 emails, mostly to small NYC-based production companies that make low budget, independent films (I also emailed a few agents who rep writer-directors). Of those 35 queries I received one response. This is the story of the only time in my career that I made it to Square Two, though ultimately I was returned to Square One.

I have rattled around on the fringes of this industry for long enough - nearly 20 years - that I know not to get my hopes up too high. I signed with my first screenwriting agent in 1990 with a horror-action script that had won First Place in a small screenwriting competition. They declared it the "finest script ever entered" in one of their contests, and predicted I was well on my way. After six months, the agent still hadn't sent the script out, and I severed our relationship. In 1995 I almost sold a romantic drama/comedy to Norman Jewison - a deal that fell through at the last minute, while I was attending a funeral. I had also queried Garry Marshall about that script, and he predicted that if the script was as well written as my query letter I was certain to find success.

At some point things got harder, not easier. I guess at some of these reasons in my rejection letter documentary "Best of Luck" - but the bottom line seems to me that the world became saturated with wanna-be screenwriters. We were no longer a rare and needed commodity but an industry-clogging pain in everyone's ass. After a few years of being able to get read by producers and agents, all the pathways seemed to dry up. At the same time, the industry seemed to be seeking high (and higher) concept productions. So while the script I almost sold to Norman Jewison was declared by another production company as one of the most enjoyable scripts they had ever received, it was also deemed "too small" for their production needs.

Friends, I am small. Sometimes I think I am too small - too small to be taken seriously. And while I love a big sci-fi film, or thriller, or supernatural spectacle as much as the next person, what I really love are small films. Small, international films. For instance, I love Mongolian films, like "The Cave of the Yellow Dog." I like tiny documentaries like the French film "To Be and To Have". I like films with unadorned production values and naturalistic acting. Though I've written in a lot of genres - including sci-fi and fantasy - I always felt like it was my little dramas that would make the most impact. If I ever had a chance to make them.

In 2002 I reinvented myself as a filmmaker. It had become obvious that I was too far removed from what Hollywood was making to continue pretending that I could have any sort of "career" as a screenwriter. My brain just does not function in High Concept. September 11 was a wake-up call, a turning-inside-out of reality. It seemed utterly pointless to continue on as I had. I had wanted to be a filmmaker since I was eighteen years old, and for a variety of reasons I had done everything except make films: I was a professional actor; I'd produced small theater; I'd written a novel or two, dozens of one-act plays, two dozen screenplays, etc. I'd seen my work up "on its feet" as they say, and knew that I wanted to be the person bringing my words to life. So I embarked on making short cheap films. I learned a lot. Ironically, I ultimately learned that I cannot make short films - in this, I am not small. I need 90 minutes to develop my stories. After so many years of writing feature length screenplays I could tell within a few pages of writing how long a script was going to be - and how long the filmed version of it would be. I need to make feature films.

"Happy Walter" was a good effort, accomplished with basically no equipment, no money, and no one behind the scenes except for me. Taking all of that into consideration, it's not a bad little movie. But, as with my other films thus far, it was born of its own limitations. When I sit down to write a script that I plan to shoot with no money, I write ONLY what I know I can accomplish. Who-What-When-Where is pretty much decided first. This is a stifling way to create in many ways, but it results in... results. I get it done. But then there are these projects that I have NOT written that way, that I dream of making with a professional crew and professional actors. I realized I was reaching the point where, in order to feel fulfilled, I needed to take it to the next level -- knowing that "my" level would always be available to fall back on.

So S. Features was impressed with "Happy Walter" and wanted to read a script. Woohoo! I had moved beyond the dreaded stage of being an unwanted screenwriter shopping around unwanted, small scripts! For the first time I was taken seriously as a filmmaker -- someone saw past the limitations of my production budget and saw that I had skills, vision even. As my communication with S. Features continued they requested to read additional scripts. I had so much hope for this match! Here was a women-run company making low budget indie features! And they knew that I knew what low budget is all about, so I sent them - yes - smaller and smaller projects. In my ever-optimistic mind I was thinking "This could be made so cheaply that they couldn't possibly say no!"

The song and dance went on for two and a half months - during which time they hadn't actually read any of my screenplays. But I continued to email them every 3-4 weeks to remind them of my existence, while trying, somehow, to impress them with the other stuff that was going on: the new 2-character sci-fi drama I had written; the film festival screening, etc. I offered to meet with them the next time I was in New York City - willing and eager to drop everything and maybe (maybe) get to Square Three. It should be said that I had a lot of confidence about the particular scripts that they were reading, and a lot of confidence that if I could meet with them face to face I could get them excited about my vision as a filmmaker. I really, really wanted that to happen - I've always done well at job interviews. ;) Here's the kiss off:

"Thanks again for sending your scripts. I have to unfortunately say that, while it was a pleasure to read them, none of them really grabbed us as something that would be right for us to take on at this time. Your stories are unique and original, and it's impressive to see how you can handle so many different genres while creating such vividly real characters (which is what attracted my attention with "Happy Walter" in the first place). We just didn't feel passionately enough about any of the scripts to take them on as S. Features projects. The best of luck to you, and please keep in touch."

So no one should be surprised that my rejection letter documentary is called "Best of Luck" - haha. Truthfully, I was devastated by this rejection. After 20 years, you have to make peace with rejection in some ways - but in other ways, it still really hurts. I have no other glimmers of hope on the horizon at this point - and don't they see that they are tossing me out of the lifeboat back into wild waters?? That's the part that seems weirdest to me. I think they recognized that I was a talented person, and yet there is no concern that my voice & vision will go unheard & unseen. Talented people swirl around the drain and go down every day.

On the one hand, one could muse that if one production company was interested in me then there may be another one out there somewhere. But I've been doing this too long to really have faith in that. There is not a road of golden opportunities - sometimes there is just one nibble. That's how it goes. I am bothered that my writing doesn't "transcend" - no one sees what I am wanting to do. I sent S. Features one more email, thanking them for reading my scripts, and asking how I can better reach my readers. I know for a fact that they would have totally dismissed the "Happy Walter" script had that been what they say first. The HW script is not great - it's well organized, with some funny dialogue. It bears little resemblance to the final product. This is my curse. This is what frustrates me. A screenplay almost seems like a liability - the thing that gets in the way of understanding the finished film!

So what now? I'm not a huge fan of Square One but we are well acquainted. I don't have any very realistic plans to launch. Though I'm not giving up. Maybe I can make the 2-character sci-fi drama on my own. Sort of. Maybe. We'll see.

1 July 2007:

Zoje during the Q&A at the Pioneer

I'm here to report on the "Happy Walter" screening that took place this past Monday, June 25, at the Two Boots Pioneer Theater in New York City. First off, it's a charming, intimate little theatre, and in spite of the small screen I think it's the best physical venue in which one of my films has screened. The film (which screened from miniDV) looked bright and sharp, and the sound was very good as well. The Two Boots folks really know how to set up an indie film space, starting things off well right in the lobby, with cute tables & chairs, good refreshments & a very atmospheric robot hanging out in the corner. The crowd, as expected, consisted of friends-of-friends - about 25 of us in all - and I don't think there was a single audience member that wasn't in some way connected to someone on the project. Fortunately, the theater was cozy enough to make 25 seem like a respectable crowd, and judging by the laughter people had a good time. Huge thanks goes out to Lisa, Paula and Jon - without whom we would have had empty seats! (And Hal & Janet had a friend there as well.) And big thanks also to Dev's friend Susan's friend Jessica - the only one present with a digital camera. (As Lisa and I approached the theater we were amazed and delighted to see "Happy Walter" on the marquee - and then horrified to realize that everyone we knew had forgotten their cameras!) After the show we went out to the Three of Cups - a swanky little Italian place in the Lower East Side, and enjoyed pizza, pasta, cheap wine & good company. Thanks again to everyone who came out for the show!

I have the beginnings of a potentially interesting development to report... In anticipation of the screening I invited a number of New York-based industry people to come and check out the show. I mean, how many people have seen a $450 feature made with no crew and no equipment other than the camera?? And, as I told them, if I can do this much with nothing, imagine what I could do with professional support. A small production company contacted me right away to say that while they would be unable to attend the screening, they were indeed very curious to see what I had done with so little and would I send them a DVD? Of course I would, and I did. On the morning of the screening I received another email from them saying they were "...impressed by how tight and funny it was on such a small budget. The characters were fascinating as well - congratulations." Next up, they requested to read a script appropriate for a lower budget production - in fact, they had already checked out my website to see what I had written and was developing. Ten minutes later, I emailed them a script! As many of you know I have been writing feature length screenplays for nineteen years - this is an area in which I feel very confident, especially so far as indie projects go. My hope is that they will see just as much talent in my screenplay as they saw in my film! They went on to say in their email: "We are committed to working with and nurturing talented filmmakers and are always on the lookout for exciting new projects and people." May I be one of those people!!!! :)

16 March 2007:

Zoje, Hal and Dev at the premiere

"Happy Walter" had its big premiere at Film Kitchen on Tuesday night. Film Kitchen is a very well-sponsored, long-standing Pittsburgh screening series, and they always put up a good event. As the Pittsburgh City Paper is one of the main sponsors (and founders) it is well publicized - though I admit I did have some initial misgivings about the article.

I have had enough experience with the press at this point that I always wonder how my carefully-worded information is going to be regurgitated. Plus, I am dismayed by factual inaccuracies that seem to always occur - even when I have submitted an accurate press release. So this time around I was listed everywhere as having portrayed Happy Walter IV - when in fact I was Happy Walter Junior. It's a tiny thing of no consequence, but it's always something. This time around I also felt, as I have felt before while being interviewed, that there was an agenda at work - a specific story that the interviewer was after - that I didn't really get. Again, it's of no real consequence, but when you are the one answering the questions you start to feel like you're giving the "wrong" answers, lol. And then you start to wonder how different everyone's perspectives are, and will anyone hear what you're trying to say.

As usual, I had some apprehensions about screening the film for the first time. In general, I feel pretty confident about "Happy Walter," but there are so many things to worry about if you're a worrier, and I am.
Will anyone show up? Will anyone laugh - when appropriate? Will it look okay? Sound okay? Will anyone clap when it's finished?

I had some additional concerns involving this venue, as I have a pretty good grasp of the Pittsburgh filmmaking scene. Filmmakers in Pittsburgh are pretty much divided into two camps: people associated with Pittsburgh Filmmakers (which heavily leans toward experimental filmmaking); and the zombie/horror crowd, descendents in spirit of George Romero. Not only do I not fit into either camp, but "Happy Walter" might be seen as mocking the hard core "art crowd" - who tend to represent a certain number of Film Kitchen's regular audience. Though one can never control what people love or hate, it really wasn't my goal with this film to insult the little guys out there putting their heart & guts into their art. Well, I just have to hope people have a sense of humor (in spite of experience teaching me otherwise).

Back to the premiere... A nice crowd started gathering during the reception and people seemed to be enjoying the food and free beer. Hal & Janet came up from Virginia - so they get the award for traveling farthest. Other cast members included Dev, Frank and Viv - plus Woody, Beth and friends and relatives. Though the "Happy Walter" crowd certainly wasn't the majority, we were well represented.

A short film made by students from Point Park started off the evening, followed by the director's Q&A. Then... drum roll... "Happy Walter" was on the big screen! People laughed throughout. The miniDV tape didn't break in the machine. ;) It looked & sounded pretty good. We got an enthusiastic applause at the end. Then I did my Q&A - which is an aspect of filmmaking that I have really come to enjoy. People asked good questions, and seemed to enjoy our exchange.

Afterwards I know the members of my cast were approached by appreciative audience members - YAY!!!! The cast had for the most part acted alone, and most had never even seen the whole script, so no one really knew what anyone else was doing. The film seemed to be a big happy surprise for them as well! People also came up to me after the screening to express how much they'd enjoyed the film. This is a very rewarding part of the creative experience - that one-on-one contact with people who actually got something from the project.

We went out to Gullifty's afterward - me, Dev, Hal, Janet, Beth, Moshe, and Kate. We rehashed the evening, ate, drank, listened to jazz, talked, etc. It was a nice time to hang out and wind down, though I was still pretty wound up when Dev & I returned to Viv & Frank's.

Now here I am, back in Rochester -- still hoping I can create some sort of similar experience for the cast here who haven't seen the film yet. Don't lose faith - I'm working on it! ;)

26 Dec. 2006: I can happily report that I have survived another year working retail during the holidays. The shop where I work isn't strictly retail - we're also something of a workshop, doing our own beaded jewelry designs, custom work, and repairs - but it's crazy during the Christmas season. Every year I swear I will not spend another year in the retail sector! Let's see if 2007 is the year I finally make good on that threat, er, dream. ;)

As reported in NEWS, Happy Walter has been invited to screen at Film Kitchen (Pittsburgh, PA) in March. Film Kitchen is a really great screening series that I've been fortunate enough to screen at before. They are very well funded, well advertised, and well attended. They offer a reception before the screening (featuring free food & beer) - and they even divide the house money among the filmmakers whose work is being shown! Most of my films still have a strong Pittsburgh connection, and large segments of HW were shot there. In the meanwhile, I'm still figuring out how & where to get the Rochester-based cast and crew in one place at one time to screen the film for them. I'll resume submitting to film festivals also, as money allows.

My newest project is a book called "Black Friday: winter poems." This is the project that has helped me survive the winter (I always need to be working on something). It's a very different sort of poetry project for me. For one thing it's being written as a book, rather than a random collection of half-assed poems. For another, this is a very stream-of-consciousness project, which has been very liberating for my writing, thus making it a very exciting thing for me to work on. I'm writing about twenty pages a week - which is a record as far as my poetry writing goes. "Black Friday" will consist of poems written in December, January and February - then, if I can keep up the momentum, I'll work on "spring poems." My plan is to put "Black Friday" together into a nice, photocopied book and then give it away for free. (I'm skipping the whole submission process - what's the point? It will probably be hard enough to GIVE away, lol.) That's my vision at this point - we'll see how it goes.

14 Nov. 2006: I'm really not a big fan of blogs and I don't foresee this one lasting much longer. Once upon a time I would've kept a little notebook called "Production Diary" - in fact, two other films on this site have such diaries. They were written during key moments of production and post-production, and at some point after posting them online I decided they suffered from being too honest. Which was, of course, the point, as I think a production diary should in part be a learning tool. But having honest tirades posted on the world wide web for all to see - which, I realize, is also part of the point - ended up seeming unfair. Things go wrong during production and post-production, that's a fact. And while I've made a lot of stupid mistakes that people might be able to learn from, many of those mistakes involved my miscommunicating with other people, none of whom deserve to be even slightly impugned in a stupid blog. So that leaves me to babble about all things bright and happy - and how long will that stay interesting? ;)

So the good news is that I briefly met both Agnieszka Holland and Ellen Kuras while they were here for the Festival. Only those of you who know the degree to which I am a wallflower will realize what a miraculous thing that was. Approaching people - anyone, anywhere, anytime - is not my modus operandi. I mean sure, if I see that a lady on the bus has dropped a mitten I'll say something. But I don't go up to people and start talking. So with that, appreciate that I walked up to each of these women and spoke -- words came from my mouth. Perhaps not the perfect words (whatever they might be), but I did manage to ask if they would be willing to take a look at my work. Though I could see their hesitation, they each said yes, and I gave Ms. Holland a copy of "Happy Walter" and Ms. Kuras the script for "The Rust Within."

The bad news: I'm having trouble shaking this feeling of being a total ass. I know industry people - great, successful people - hate to be approached by plebes like me. Either we're kissing ass or asking for something. It is such a frustration because all I really want - really - is to be taken seriously. As it is, I'm no longer feeling like a mere small fish in a large pond, but plankton in a vast ocean. It kills me, because I want people like this as my peers and colleagues -- I don't want to be kissing ass or asking for something! But I also know - and they know - that somewhere along the way even the most aggressive, lucky, well-connected people had someone who gave them a chance. I am not well-connected, nor terribly aggressive (but I will claim to have some luck, because nothing THAT terrible regularly happens, lol!).

In the fantasy I roll out in my head while listening to inspirational music, Ms. Holland watches my film and says "Oh! Not bad for no budget!" and Ms. Kuras reads my script and says "Oh! That's got something!" This is what I amuse myself with while feeling the likelier possibility that my work will go unwatched, unread - or else, unappreciated. I've been around the block. I get it. It's a tough field even when you're doing well in it -- what does anyone have to offer someone else? Yet, it's hard to stop believing in the possibility of being "discovered" (a notion only Happy Walter truly buys). In the meanwhile, we fend for ourselves. I do my work without regrets - but am hopeful for better opportunities. And I know I would never have forgiven myself had I not approached these great filmmakers. I may never cross paths with either of them again.

30 Oct. 2006: The thought has occurred to me recently that my happy-go-lucky mockumentary is in fact a Greek tragedy. ;) Happy Walter Junior is the protagonist of the film - we see everything through her eyes (literally!), and her goal is beyond getting to know her father: she hopes to find a place in her father's life. Plot spoilers here, such as they are... She fails in this mission. And her obstacles are not only her father, but her mother as well.

Two of my filmmaking heroes are going to be coming to town for the High Falls Film Festival in a couple of weeks, and I couldn't be more excited! First up is Agnieszka Holland, who will be screening "Copying Beethoven." Her other films include "Europa, Europa," "The Secret Garden," and one of my top-three favorite movies, "The Third Miracle." Next up is cinematographer Ellen Kuras, who will be speaking following "Cinematographer Style." It has been my goal for a few years now to one day be able to hire Ellen Kuras to shoot for me. I first became aware of her with Spike Lee's "Summer of Sam." In addition to shooting for Spike Lee, she is also Rebecca Miller's cinematographer. I am really hoping I get a chance to speak with these two women!!

28 Sept. 2006: I've been working on my Without-A-Box application and online press kit - and materials for a hard copy press kit as well. This seemed like a good place to share the Director's Statement:

"Happy Walter" was directly inspired by two documentaries: "Tell Them Who You Are" (about cinematographer Haskell Wexler); and "Bukowski: Born Into This" (about the legendary drunk-poet-womanizer). I watched them within a week of each other and while I enjoyed both of the documentaries and found their subjects to be very compelling (if not always sympathetic), I was struck by how close both films came to being parodies. "Happy Walter" was literally conceived in a moment of inspiration while part-way through the second documentary. I thought, if they can make a real person seem almost fake, I can make a fake person seem almost real.

My second area of inspiration comes from my belief that ALL things are fiction - autobiographies, photographs, the news, etc. When information has been filtered through someone else's interpretation of reality and is then presented to an audience (each of whom has their own interpretation of reality)... Well, you get the picture. And yet, we're "trained" to take this nonfiction stuff so literally. As depicted in "Happy Walter," I think we must seriously question Happy Walter Jr.'s motives in how she presents the info she has gathered about her father. She, like every author of nonfiction, may be saying more about herself.

Finally, "Happy Walter" is the tale of a dysfunctional family - 'cause that's the stuff of life.

27 Sept. 2006: It's been a busy few weeks. I was very, very fortunate and didn't lose any data from my computer - and other than not being able to find my wallpaper image, my computer is just as it was. Well, a bit better actually because the 250 gig hard drive is doing its thing. I'm thanking my lucky stars! (thank you lucky stars...)

Jonathan Young has been onboard for the last few weeks, preparing all of the movie's original music. He took a look at the early version of the film and then we discussed music styles as they pertained to each character and to the story itself. This is the first time I've ever had original music for a project, and what a fantastic thing it is to add this kind of creative collaboration to the process! Jon's music truly adds a defining and finishing touch to the film.

Resident artists Craig Mrusek and Sarah Grossmann are also getting ready to add their touch to the project. Craig will be designing an image/logo to use on Happy Walter promo materials - like T-shirts. And Sarah will be designing the DVD cover. I'll just take this moment to say again how grateful I am for everyone's contributions to this film!

7 Sept. 2006: To continue with the theme of unfortunate events that can unravel a project...

The other piece of irreplaceable equipment that I own is my iMac, on which I edit and make DVD copies of all of my films. Both my camera and my computer were purchased back in early 2002 using a credit card that had survived my then-recent bankruptcy (long story, but a hint of advice: don't produce theatre on your credit cards). Putting filmmaking equipment on your credit cards is a whole other story, 'cause you get to use the stuff again and again, and you end up with projects that can be shown again too. Sadly, four and a half years later, I've made little progress on paying off those purchases, and my equipment is nearing obsolescence.

Recognizing this, I purchased an exterior hard drive to augment my limited disk space. Perhaps it was just a coincidence (though the timing is suspect) but as soon as I installed the drive my computer started acting wonky. Then, after two days, I was unable to even boot up. If you are not now on the edge of your seat with anticipation you are failing to understand that the uncompleted "Happy Walter" was IN THE F*&KING COMPUTER!!! I didn't know if the project would survive whatever hardware/software problem that had felled my computer. Copious tears were shed.

I called Apple tech support and they charged my credit card with the requisite $49 that would enable them to speak to me. After an hour we were still no closer to getting my computer to boot up. I had no choice but to take it to the shop. Now for most people taking a computer to the shop wouldn't be an event that would cause more tears. But I have no car and no money - and the resolution for many of life's little crises require cars and money.

The entire budget of "Happy Walter" was only $350, with another $50 or so projected to finish post-production. Sure, if I lost the film I had everything on miniDV - even the mostly complete "Sundance" version from which to build the final cut. But what if I lost my plugins, my photos, my ever-precarious sanity? (I am forced to admit I don't handle certain stresses very well.) If the computer was irreparable, replacing it was out of the question. And on that Tuesday morning, even getting to CompUSA seemed like a challenge beyond my abilities: roundtrip taxi fair could easily have been $50 (x 2, for retrieving the computer later on). I ended up calling my boss (aka "Esther Jacobs") for emergency transportation help. When we got to the shop I handed over my computer and my credit card in a transaction that oddly reminded me of trips to the emergency vet in years prior, where I handed over my cat and my credit card - leaving both places with an empty box and profound worries.

To make the long following week short... They were able to do a backup of my entire computer (onto my formerly-suspicious external hard drive no less). And while they then had to wipe out my internal drive to reinstall the operating system, I was spared every variety of disaster: My computer was returned to me fully functional, with all of my data in tact. After a week of panicking and wondering what I might lose and how I might find a work-around for whatever those losses might be, "Happy Walter" is now back in business.

Last night Jon Young came over and we watched the film together and discussed the where-what-why of the original music he will be doing for the film. For all future festival submissions I will use the final, finished version of the film. I plan to resume festival submissions in mid- to late-October - if all goes well. ;)

25 Aug. 2006: I find the process of making films on a microscopic budget both exhilarating and terrifying. On the one hand, I am always aware that a setback or mistake of the right proportion can completely unravel a project. My biggest fear during production is having something happen to the camera (this is a double-whammy concern because I also use my camera as a tape deck). In general, I try during preproduction to conceive of back-up plans for various problems I might encounter: an actor backing out; an actor struggling with material; problems with a location (noise, available light), etc. Even so, there are always unforeseen challenges. The number one rule of low-budget filmmaking is that one must always be ready to adapt and solve problems. (I strongly suspect a similar philosophy serves well on higher-budget films as well.)

The exhilarating part of this is, naturally, adapting and solving problems - the thrill of “making it work.” Filmmaking is always a crap shoot: so many variables, with uncertain outcomes. You try to be prepared. You try to remember to turn the microphone on. The crew-of-one approach simplifies the process in certain ways - you only need to micromanage yourself. But there are obvious difficulties: a person only has one set of eyes, ears, and hands, and one usually needs to be seeing, hearing, and moving many things at once. So when it all comes together, it feels a little bit like a miracle - or, as Happy Walter would say, “a confluence of the universe.”

So far “Happy Walter” has been such a confluence. I imagined Hal Weaver in the role of Happy before I even started the script - and yet I never anticipated all that he ended up bringing to the role. Likewise, my inexperienced cast of friends and acquaintances continued to surprise me, bringing me performances beyond my expectations. It’s as if “Happy Walter” was meant to be. It’s been a fast-rolling train propelled by its own inertia. There has been such a tight schedule from pre- through post-production. Yet, the train stayed on track.

Now I am preparing to submit an early version of the film to Sundance - a festival I’ve never entered before. Let’s be realistic: my microbudget films might be a miracle to me, but it’s hard to impress a programmer or audience with such scanty charms. So “Happy Walter” will be a tiny fish in a gigantic submission pool of creatures bright and dull, large and small. The ultimate crap shoot. But if I don’t believe in the film, who will?